Sunday, March 31, 2013

new twibbler account

my old twibbler account got deleted by interpol because i was wikileakin shit 160 caharacters at a time

actually, i accidentally deactivated it and i dunno what happened to it, so im starting from scratch on the twitters, follow me, the new black pope: https://twitter.com/popejulien

-julien

ps- in retrospect this is the worst shittiest website of all time, but i think its kinda cute that i had hopes and dreams at one point in my life. i guess its kinda heartbreaking in a sense, because i wanted it to turn out great but instead it turned into this...i guess its a pretty accurate reflection of myself and my life in general. i wanted to turn out great but instead turned into.......just a guy i suppose, a regular old humanoid

maybe i'll come back  tothis site one day and resurrect it into something cool........... i think thats kinda how i feel about life osmetimes....i start daydreaming that i can go back and unfuck the things i fucked up, and make the right decisions where i made wrong ones in the past...regrets man, what a bummer they are, but  they're real. it;s funny because even with this website, i was trying my hardest at the time...it's not like i could go back and try harder than i did, because it really was the best i could do... same with old relationships, and jobs, and friendships and everythign really...i was always trying my best, but i guess part of my life is discovering theres a bunch of stuff you might not be that good at... thats some harrowing stuff when you sit back and think about it. there's an invisible high-bar, and you have no clue whether you're reaching it or not, or whether you're grossly underachieving as a human being.

this site is sorta funny for that reason...i think there's some good posts in the backlog, and there's some funny stuff in there, but ultimately, it's a huge failure. failure is something ive sorta been obsessed with for awhile. last summer i went to los angeles and interviewed mr lets paint tv on the premise of making a documentary some day....mr lets paint (john kilduff) is this cool outsider painter, but relatively speaking, he hasnt reached the sort of audience he wishes he had, despite all his efforts. sitting in his backyard and conversing with him for over the afternoon i felt like i was looking into a mirror from the future or something. hes such a talented, creative guy, and yet, he feels the same sort of disappointment in life as i have, even though he's got 20 years on me. those twenty extra years of living and trying and struggling havent lead to any real personal fulfillment... thats some scary shit.

his whole motto behind what he does is to 'embrace failure', which is awfully hard to do. i fail at stuff and i hate myself to death for it. ive had a couple of long term relationships which went awry... i was only half of the equation, but somewhere along the way, for whatever reason, the relationships became failures. and then there have been other things, like professional opportunities ive let go by the wayside, failures which are entirely my responsibility.

so maybe thats my sad little destiny... forever stuck in the cycle of being good, but not quite good enough... pretty fascinating, if ya ask me

just some food for thought on life and such.... cheers!

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