Thursday, December 26, 2013

1902 and '33 Winter Incomplete

I've sorta spontaneously started writing classical music on the piano. I never thought I'd be capable of writing music....every time I'd sit down at the piano, I'd just try to make up stuff that sounded like the bands I listened to, but it would inevitably end with frustration, knowing that I just didn't have the ear for it.

I took piano lessons from probably around the age 7 until I was about 13-14. I hated it, I hated my teacher, but my parents refused to allow me to stop. They said I could quit if I wanted when I got my grade 8 conservatory. That was the deal I got, and that's what I ended up doing. The day I took my exam was the last time I'd touch the piano for 10 years.

When I got admitted into Homewood, I was actually surprised to see that one of the rec lounges had a standup piano in it. I hadn't played in a decade, but with so little to do during the day, I started leafing through the sheet music other patients had left behind. It took me awhile, but after a month, I'd say I was playing at about the 4th or 5th grade level. It actually became a hobby I enjoyed, as it was challenging, and I found it to be somewhat relaxing.

When I got back home, I kept playing the piano for awhile, almost daily. Inevitably I got tired of playing the same pieces over and over again...but when I tried to learn new pieces, I couldn't concentrate on the notation, or remember anything I was playing. Over the years I think the depression has made it increasingly difficult to focus, and it's gotten to a point where I could only spend maybe 10 minutes at the piano without feeling exhausted.

I wanted to keep playing, but learning new pieces was not possible, and playing the old ones was dreadfully boring, so I started farting around, playing whatever sounded right to my ear. My years of training in classical piano allowed me to quite easily determine how melodies and harmonies should evolve. I discovered that I'd probably never be able to write rock or punk music...but classical was in my wheelhouse.

Although it's taken me several weeks to do so, I've finally transferred two of the pieces into musical notation. It probably would have taken anyone else a day or two, but keeping focus and energized throughout the transcribing process has been tremendously difficult.

In any case, I've attached it here...for those who dare attempt to decipher it.

I also recorded myself playing the pieces on my phone, but I'm not sure how to post yet.



edit - i just added the songs to youtube, because i couldnt figure out any other way

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Music in Film + Transitions

I've had this scene from Be King Rewind stuck in my head for a few weeks now.

I find it's pretty rare for pop music to be seamlessly integrated into a film without being completely distracting. Too often music becomes a literal background soundtrack to a scene, as opposed to being a part of the greater whole and contributing to the overall feel of a film. I guess what I mean to say, is that this is one of the few instances that comes to mind where a pop song feels as though it's part of the original score of the film... Kudos to Michel Gondry for knocking this one out of the park...

I've also been thinking a lot more about transitions than I have in the past. This scene is a good example of how the uninterrupted motion of the camera helps maintain the flow and energy throughout the scene. Even the final transitional wipe between 'Men In Black' and when the train appears on the screen provides that little bit of extra momentum moving forward with the plot.

I also finally got my hands on a theatrical cut of 'The Warriors'. Up until now I've only seen the Director's Cut (with comic book inter-tiles)...I'll be interested in seeing how the two cuts differ...The Warriors is another great film when it comes to pacing and momentum...there are so many great shots in it...I could go on and on...


Saturday, June 15, 2013

me n my mom look at old photos

dragged my carcass out of bed so i could spend 15 minutes looking at some old pictures with my mom

i think i had the shakes/tremors or restless leg syndrome from a drug i was on at the like goddamn michael j fox in this video



Thursday, June 13, 2013

sister nunchuks / writing

back in january i wrote a script for a short film called 'sister nunchuks'. its about a nun who fights bad guys with nunchuks.

unfortunately due to my ongoing battle with depression (it's not so much of a battle, as it is just me staring at the ceiling above my bed wondering when i'll stop being miserable) we have only shot maybe 10% of the whole script.

on sunday night we were back out again shooting a couple scenes for the drug deal montage (pictured above)...i think its looking pretty cool, but its hard to tell.

im hoping i will eventually start to feel better and be able to commit myself more to this project.


also, when not horribly depressed/suicidal, ive also been writing a novel.

here's a passage that i wrote last week:

"Behind the shadowy wisp of a cloud, the moon’s outline could be seen. It was in its full phase, and even though it was partly hidden, it seemed to be gazing directly at her. For a brief moment, it felt as though she was staring into her own soul. The moon was big and great -- and brighter than any star in the sky. And yet it was completely alone. No one cared for it. Man had once visited her long ago, and despite her apparent beauty, found her not worthy of his time, and left only footprints upon her delicate surface, scarring her for time eternal." 

Sunday, March 31, 2013

new twibbler account

my old twibbler account got deleted by interpol because i was wikileakin shit 160 caharacters at a time

actually, i accidentally deactivated it and i dunno what happened to it, so im starting from scratch on the twitters, follow me, the new black pope:


ps- in retrospect this is the worst shittiest website of all time, but i think its kinda cute that i had hopes and dreams at one point in my life. i guess its kinda heartbreaking in a sense, because i wanted it to turn out great but instead it turned into this...i guess its a pretty accurate reflection of myself and my life in general. i wanted to turn out great but instead turned into.......just a guy i suppose, a regular old humanoid

maybe i'll come back  tothis site one day and resurrect it into something cool........... i think thats kinda how i feel about life osmetimes....i start daydreaming that i can go back and unfuck the things i fucked up, and make the right decisions where i made wrong ones in the past...regrets man, what a bummer they are, but  they're real. it;s funny because even with this website, i was trying my hardest at the's not like i could go back and try harder than i did, because it really was the best i could do... same with old relationships, and jobs, and friendships and everythign really...i was always trying my best, but i guess part of my life is discovering theres a bunch of stuff you might not be that good at... thats some harrowing stuff when you sit back and think about it. there's an invisible high-bar, and you have no clue whether you're reaching it or not, or whether you're grossly underachieving as a human being.

this site is sorta funny for that reason...i think there's some good posts in the backlog, and there's some funny stuff in there, but ultimately, it's a huge failure. failure is something ive sorta been obsessed with for awhile. last summer i went to los angeles and interviewed mr lets paint tv on the premise of making a documentary some lets paint (john kilduff) is this cool outsider painter, but relatively speaking, he hasnt reached the sort of audience he wishes he had, despite all his efforts. sitting in his backyard and conversing with him for over the afternoon i felt like i was looking into a mirror from the future or something. hes such a talented, creative guy, and yet, he feels the same sort of disappointment in life as i have, even though he's got 20 years on me. those twenty extra years of living and trying and struggling havent lead to any real personal fulfillment... thats some scary shit.

his whole motto behind what he does is to 'embrace failure', which is awfully hard to do. i fail at stuff and i hate myself to death for it. ive had a couple of long term relationships which went awry... i was only half of the equation, but somewhere along the way, for whatever reason, the relationships became failures. and then there have been other things, like professional opportunities ive let go by the wayside, failures which are entirely my responsibility.

so maybe thats my sad little destiny... forever stuck in the cycle of being good, but not quite good enough... pretty fascinating, if ya ask me

just some food for thought on life and such.... cheers!