Auditory Outhouse #27

It's the end of the month, and you know what that means...rent is due.

Also, it's time to give out ao27.com's prestigious Outhouse Hero Award for the month of June 2009.

This month's winner is...UNORGANIZED RELIGION!


A couple months ago, I was channel flipping through the six channels I get through my rabbit ears hookup when I got drawn into the world of unorganized religion.

If you find the major religions too strict, boring, or lacking that certain something or je ne sais quoi, the CTS weekend schedule is chock-full of new fake religions with that new fake religion smell.

Take for example Apostle A. Lobban's 'The Greater Bethlehem Deliverance Ministry":

Apparently, yelling is the only way god will hear their prayers.

Now if you'd actually like to get into heaven, you could join Rhema Christian Ministries, where priests throw down funky dance moves while re-creating every scene from the award-winning "Friday the 13th" motion picture series:

Hey, I'm gonna be guest-hosting on Moonrappin' from 1-3AM tonight with Sean Cooley.

The topic is superheroes, so if you have anything at all to say, please don't hesitate to call us at 613-562-5967

Listen to the stream here in real and mp3 format: www.chuo.fm

-JS

The other day on the somethingawful forums, THEY ROB posted a link to Dan Quinn's police record from the Superior Court of California, County of Sacramento website.

Dan doesn't like to talk about his past arrests too much, but in this video, he explains some of the history, starts at around 4 mins:

Here's the breakdown:

Select	Case Number	Filing Date	Court ID
	04F03802	04/21/2004	34100
	04M03286	03/23/2004	34470
	99M02337	03/02/1999	34470
	98F10763	12/11/1998	34100
	98M07427	06/02/1998	34470
	97M02331	02/25/1997	34470
	93F01326	02/17/1993	34470
	91M13639	11/27/1991	34470

• On November 27th, 1991: Dan Quinn was charged on two counts of battery.
• On January 8th, 1992: Dan Quinn was dismissed of both counts.

• On February 17th, 1993: Dan Quinn was charged with one felony count of possession of a controlled substance; and on one misdemeanor count of concealable weapon possession.
  
• On March 16th, 1993: Dan Quinn plead guilty to the misdemeanor count, and was sentenced to a 1-year informal probation, and served 15 days in custody.
• On November 3rd, 1993: Dan Quinn's felony charge was dismissed.

• On February 25th, 1997: Dan Quinn was charged with marijuana possession, and possession of a controlled substance.
• On February 26th, 1997: Dan Quinn plead guilty to possession of a controlled substance, and was sentenced to 3 years of supervised probation under the Sheriff's Work Project. He also spent 2 months in custody.

• On June 2nd, 1998: Dan Quinn was charged with two misdemeanor counts of assault (an unlawful attempt, coupled with a present ability, to commit a violent injury on the person of another).
  
• On October 9th, 1998: Dan Quinn spent 10 days in police custody for violation of his parole. Both misdemeanor counts were dismissed.

• On February 16th, 1999: Dan Quinn was charged with two felony counts. One for concealable weapons charge and another for evading a police officer.
• On March 18th, 1999: Dan Quinn was sentenced to a 5-year formal probation in a Work Furlough program, which was downgraded to Sheriff's Work Program on June 4, 1999; and spent 5 months in jails.

• On March 2nd, 1999: Dan Quinn was charged with domestic violence/spousal abuse.
• On March 18th, 1999: The charge was dismissed.

• On March 23rd, 2004: Dan Quinn was again charged with one felony count of domestic violence/spousal abuse, and one PC 422 count for willfully threatening to commit a crime which will result in death or great bodily injury of an immediate family member.
  
• On June 1st, 2005: Dan Quinn was sentenced to 3 years probation, and 79 days in prison, straight time.

...AND NOW YOU KNOW!

-JS

Furious George: Facebook Predator Pt. 4 - Inbox Intimacy

If you're having a tough time grabbing the attention of ladies, George suggests taking a stab in the dark.

Why not randomly PM complete strangers until you get one hooked, lined and sinkered?

Attaboy George!

George was able to add Charlene as a friend, and now the real seducing begins:


George learned from the master:

Next time we'll take a look at how George turns those annoying people who send app-invites into his own personal sex slaves.

-JS

Last summer, some raw sewage leaked into the Ottawa River.

Scientists always say that you have to wait a few years to see what the effects are in nature.

It's now almost a year later, and the devastation is palpable.

This is a fish taken directly out of the Ottawa river. It has five eyes!

This ant was taken from a nearby pasture. It has six legs! And a full head of hair!

This bird was found in my backyard. It looks pretty rough!

This is my next door neighbour. He's crazy!

Halloween pumpkins have remained relatively unharmed.

No one knows why.

-JS

Furious George: Facebook Predator Pt. 3 - Messageboard Mania

George will be the first one to tell you that message boards are a great place to cruise for hot delectable women.

Feel free to start up your own thread:

Ladies can hardly resist.

And finally...always, ALWAYS mark your territory:

Join us again for Part 4 as George swoops in for the kill through lyrical prose, as he seduces Charlene via Facebook.

-JS

Recently I had the misfortune of getting a cut on my leg (deep-rooted emotional problems, don't ask).

In order to stop the bleeding, I decided to use an adhesive bandage.

A few weeks later, I decided it was about time to pull off the band-aid, but when I did so, I underwent incredible amounts of crippling pain shooting up my leg.

This stupid Johnson+Johnson Band-Aid brand adhesive bandage tore off a bunch of my leg hair.

And I had just gotten my leg hair to look the way I wanted! I hope it grows back in time for prom.

You can imagine the pain I went through. Actually, you'll kinda have to, this picture came out blurry.

I'll see you in court, Johnson+Johnson. If anyone wants to double-team them for some class-action lawsuit gang-bangin', drop a comment.

-JS

Edit- I give it a 0 out of 8. These sucked. Fabric bandages are way better because they sorta fall apart when they get wet. Amirite? Heck yes.

Furious George: Facebook Predator Pt. 2 - Groups 4 Groupies

George, you handsome old dog. How the hell are ya?

I just started shooting my own late night program from my apartment.

Check out Episode 1 with the Local News Update, Feeding Bears, and musical guest 'White TheSaurus':

This comes at an awful time, since most real late night programs are coming off some of their strongest shows in the past couple weeks.

• Colbert Report was in Iraq.
• Letterman had Denzel Washington, Howard Stern and Julia Roberts on, as well as telling jokes about Sarah Palin and her skanky daughters. Humourless people got angry.
  
• Conan's second week on the Tonight Show, during which Norm Macdonald absolutely killed...despite Conan's attempts at sabotaging the interview (please, PLEASE stop with the fake belly laughs Conan...you're becoming such a phoney company shill).
• Craig Ferguson was on the air, and he's always good.
  
• I don't much watch the Daily Show these days (the supporting cast sorta fell-off for me), but I'm assuming they've had decent shows.
  
• Jimmy Kimmel was hosting NBA Finals Shows in prime time. He also had Artie Lange on the show.
• Artie Lange visited the Joe Buck Show and turned the place upside down. Hard to watch, but compelling nonetheless.
  
• And then on Jimmy Fallon's show...well Jimmy Fallon sucks.

I'm not sure how often I'll be doing these shows...I'm hoping to have a new one out every 2-3 weeks. The real problem for me is I'm working on an ancient computer (which just died, had to replace old motherboard with used motherboard), so the exporting process takes entire days out of my life...figuratively. I'm hoping to get a new computer soon.

I learned a lot of Do's and Do not do's throughout this first show. I hope to improve every aspect of it, but for the time being, I think it's decent.

Thanks for watching/tuning/joining/subscribing/blablabla.

-JS

Edit - White TheSaurus wanted to let everyone know he sampled Sloan's song 'Stove/Smother'. Check out Sloan's website, Myspace, or follow them on Twitter.

Download: 45 mb (Right click + Save as)
Stream: Podomatic

CKCU 93.1 FM

Segments:

• Geritol-CKCU Introduction
  

• Christmas Watch '09


• Fop Five Most Interesting Things Heard On The CB Radio
  


• Name That Shoe - Robo-DJ


• Gerard Break Beat Interview


• Jack Johnson Is Dead

Playlist:

The SSRIs – Hubris
Japandroids – Young Hearts Spark Fire
Hollerado – Do the doot dat doot do
Chrissy Zebby Tembo & Ngozi Family – Feelin’ Good
Question Mark – Mary Anne
Sloan – Same Old Flame
The Fort – Hey Lady
Shad – Rock To It
Jack Johnson - Flake
Chad VanGaalen – Clinically Dead

Runtime: 56:00

http://www.ao27.com/ / moondownradio.blogspot.com / moondownradio.podomatic.com

I've always wondered why Jews don't eat pork.

A good friend of mine told me that it's because pigs are extremely intelligent.

He also said that not only are they really smart, they are also superb musicians.

Oinky in the Key of G minor.

The proofs:

I think I may stop eating pork too, at the risk of killing another Piggy Van Halen.

-JS

This is my friend George.

-JS