Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Furious George: Facebook Predator Pt. 1

This is my friend George.

He's new to the internet. He's decided to sign up for Facebook, because all his friends are either dead or in jail.

It is always customary for a new user such as George to state his or her intent or goals.

George decides the best place for this is the "Looking For Missing Persons" group:

Now that George has laid out the proverbial bait, he must sit back and wait for a woman to initiate a courtship:

A starving cougar has come out of the thick jungle we call the web. Obviously she was unable to resist George's hot catcher's mitt-type face and blatent honesty.

Now George must make his move in order to impress the femaloid:

This time, George has gone too far, and the woman has picked up the stench of desperation coming off his post.

Fortunately, another female has introduced herself:

Although Michelle had shown an original interest in George, she quickly proved to only be a huge flirt that wasted all of my goddam time and money you fucking bitch whore Michelle I'll hunt you down and rip off your ears and fuck you in that bloody mess with my two inch cock until semen oozes from your eyesockets. Slut.

I, of course, am only imagining this is what George thinks. No angry emails.

For tonight, George will go back to his minimum wage job stocking shelves at Pete's Farmacy ("We fill out your prescription, you fill up your shopping cart!").

George will retreat behind his anonymous IP proxy, recharge his batteries, and come out with a new game plan in the morning. Check back for Part 2, as George delves into the art of running a badass facebook group.

-JS

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