Friday, July 3, 2009
If you use facebook at all, you have to spend at least 2-3 minutes a day clearing out your inbox of messages from people who want you to try every new application from SuperPoke to ExtraPoke to PokeThis.
Our very own in-house facebook predator George Hagel has a unique way of dealing with such spam. He engages them using his strongest muscle...his loins:
You better damn well believe George will "cum" join your kingdom. Knowwhaimsaying?
Of course, as always, persistence is the key:
Monday, June 29, 2009
The topic is superheroes, so if you have anything at all to say, please don't hesitate to call us at 613-562-5967
Listen to the stream here in real and mp3 format: www.chuo.fm
Friday, June 26, 2009
If you're having a tough time grabbing the attention of ladies, George suggests taking a stab in the dark.
Why not randomly PM complete strangers until you get one hooked, lined and sinkered?
George was able to add Charlene as a friend, and now the real seducing begins:
George learned from the master:
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
George will be the first one to tell you that message boards are a great place to cruise for hot delectable women.
Feel free to start up your own thread:
Ladies can hardly resist.
And finally...always, ALWAYS mark your territory:
Join us again for Part 4 as George swoops in for the kill through lyrical prose, as he seduces Charlene via Facebook.
Monday, June 22, 2009
George, you handsome old dog. How the hell are ya?
- Every internet predator should update their facebook status to show off their emotional side:
- Where's the beef?
- I have a small penis.
George has found just the place that's geared towards old-timers like himself:
A quick glance at the Wall shows oldies are desperate for any action they can get:
The group was looking for an admin, so George jumped at the opportunity. Other groups currently looking for admins are:
- The Crotch Fungus Association of America (CFAA)
- "My fingers are too fat to type legiblakjlref an ksdasdn nasdj"
- Webbed Toes on Nasty Hoes
- "I created this group based on a lame premise."
We about to get this shit started:
Although I personally was never able to make it out to the party, I did hear through the grapevine a kind of rustling noise but then I realized it was probably the wind or something.
Check back with us again for Part 3 as we continue to follow George's adventures through Facebook...up next...the All-Too-Forgettable Facebook Message Boards.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
He's new to the internet. He's decided to sign up for Facebook, because all his friends are either dead or in jail.
It is always customary for a new user such as George to state his or her intent or goals.
George decides the best place for this is the "Looking For Missing Persons" group:
Now that George has laid out the proverbial bait, he must sit back and wait for a woman to initiate a courtship:
A starving cougar has come out of the thick jungle we call the web. Obviously she was unable to resist George's hot catcher's mitt-type face and blatent honesty.
Now George must make his move in order to impress the femaloid:This time, George has gone too far, and the woman has picked up the stench of desperation coming off his post.
Fortunately, another female has introduced herself:
Although Michelle had shown an original interest in George, she quickly proved to only be a huge flirt that wasted all of my goddam time and money you fucking bitch whore Michelle I'll hunt you down and rip off your ears and fuck you in that bloody mess with my two inch cock until semen oozes from your eyesockets. Slut.
I, of course, am only imagining this is what George thinks. No angry emails.
For tonight, George will go back to his minimum wage job stocking shelves at Pete's Farmacy ("We fill out your prescription, you fill up your shopping cart!").
George will retreat behind his anonymous IP proxy, recharge his batteries, and come out with a new game plan in the morning. Check back for Part 2, as George delves into the art of running a badass facebook group.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Here was my test-run:
My social skills did not transfer over to this digital medium.
However, this is a great tool now that Craiglist has removed its erotic services.
Omegle says: Rapists and Murderers, apply within.
What. What son.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I've always loved listening to radio since I was kid. I could never fall asleep at my bed time, so I'd pull out my walkman and channel surf for a couple hours. Sometimes I'd listen to stand-up comedy, other times it was old-time radio on AM stations (Suspense, etc.).
These are my favourite, all-time radio shows. I highly recommend checking them all out:
- Loveline (Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew years)
- The Howard Stern Show (-minus all the stupid stripper bullshit and sybian crap)
- The Midnight Caller
- Coast-to-Coast AM (before it got overly political)
"In 1990, Tom Green hosted The Rap Show on Ottawa's CHUO radio station, along with the other members of Organized Rhyme. The two other members eventually left the program, and that's when Tom's program moved to Friday night from 2 to 6 AM. He renamed the show "Nightfall" and hosted it along with Shawn Greenson and Glenn Humplik. In 1993, Tom launched The Midnight Caller Show on Friday night's from Midnight to 2AM. People would call in to discuss different subjects Tom had chosen, or simply to talk about something else (that resulted in a lot of people being hung-up on, and a lot of absolute nonsense).
Frequent guests on the show were Phil Giroux, Derek Harvie, and Sean Cooley."
As I said earlier, it's next to impossible to track down episodes of this show. I've compiled all the episodes I have here, in hopes that perhaps other people could contribute. If you have any old tapes or mp3s of this show PLEASE contact me at moondownradio(at)gmail.com
05-27-1994 - Midnight Caller (46:18): Sunburn/suntan stories, animal calls from Algonquin park, my legs are made of garbage cans.
06-17-1994 - Midnight Caller (1:30:24): OJ Simpson trial, hot muggy weather, Dunkin' Donuts, microwave sound effects, Phil Giroux guests.
XX-XX-1995 - Midnight Caller (1:39:20): Summer the call-screener, hole in condoms, Sean Cooley guests.
05-XX-1995 - Midnight Caller (1:58:13): Anesthesia and surgery, Nightfall revisited, Shawn Greenson guests.
XX-XX-1996 - Midnight Caller (1:41:48): Random topics, Derek Harvie guests.
Special thanks goes to java joel and Tom Green for these. I've done my best to remaster the audio since the originals were pretty rough.
Here's some of Tom's freestyling on the Midnight Caller (taken directly from mp3s above):
Oh, and finally, here's a small segment CBC Radio ran during his run at Rogers:
EDIT: Some people prefer using rapidshare, so all 5 episodes have been put together in one .rar file: http://rapidshare.com/files/233354557/Midnight_Caller__Radio.rar.html
EDIT: It's early Monday morning, 1:00AM, been bored out of my mind in Ottawa for the last while, decided to start channel surfing on the AM/FM dial...whaddayouknow? Sean Cooley is back on the airwaves!!!
"Sean Cooley has come back after a near 10 year hiatus. Sean's background with CHUO was as the co-host (call screener) for Tom Green's "Midnight Caller" and also as the host of his own show "The Breaks". A call-in talk radio show which is now back and ready to make you laugh on Sunday nights at 1am. Now called MOONRAPPIN! CHUO has spawned a few other notables, but their true affection is for their current volunteers, many of whom have been at the station for more than a decade."
Tune in every Monday morning, 1 AM to 3? Probably? Here: CHUO 89.1 FM Streams
Saturday, April 25, 2009
The flu is rough on the body. First, I had an upset stomach, then I had diarrhea, then I was vomiting. I also had terrible migraine headaches.
After all that was done, I got a runny nose and was getting a lot of saliva in my mouth.
It feels weird to cough up mucus. Mucus is supposed to come out of the nose. Plus, you ever get that feeling you just coughed up part of your lung? It's painful!
In any case, I'd rate the flu 2.5 out of 5.
It's not pleasant.
It's not pleasant. It SNOT pleasant! Bwahahahaa. Hee Hee.
Friday, April 24, 2009
When I go to an interview, I have to dress for success.
That's why I went out and bought some black shoes. Classy.
These aren't just everyday normal guy shoes though...
These shoes are strictly for bad asses.
Check it out:
were made sinners.
so by the obedience
of one shall many
be made righteous
Spellcheck and proper grammar are also for losers.
And you may of been dating more than woman at one time...which means you're either a bad ass or a lesbian. Sweet.
Seriously though, could this shoe brand be any gayer?
[EDIT] - I just checked out their website for a second...they have a series called "Uglies"...*sigh*.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
In Canada, most people are not tall.
The average Eskimo clocks in at about 4 foot 3 inches.
I'm 6'5" and listed as the tallest person in Ontario.
Outside of the Toronto Raptors roster, I tower over the province.
The only problem is finding pants with long legs.
Most of the time I un-stitch the bottom of the pants to increase the lenght.
This time, I found white powder markings on the inside. What could it be?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Well, if there's only one good thing about this book, it's the fact that Norm Macdonald is mentioned in several stories...I've decided to save you the time of reading the whole book by copying/pasting the best parts featuring Norm.
Mohr on Norm:
Norm was a guy who wouldn't be able to talk his way out of a mental hospital. If most people were committed, they would eventually convince the doctor that a terrible mistake had been made. Not Norm. He would be there the rest of his life, saying things like "I notice I'm wearing a gown" and "So you really want me to pee in that bedpan."
Mohr on Norm's Food Poisoning:Slowly and deliberately, Norm lumbered onto the bus. He looked like a cross between death warmed over and a drug addict who had just woken up. Norm stood at the front of the bus for a while and looked out over all of us. He cleared his throat and announced that he had been sick with food poisoning the night before. He provided the name of the restaurant and positively identified the culprit as an avocado. Then he treated us to a blow-by-blow of the havoc that faulty avocado wrecked on his system.
The first sign of trouble, he explained, came when he was crossing the street after leaving the restaurant and started shitting in his pants. He leaned up against a lamppost and puked and shit in the street until he mustered enough strength to hail a cab. He explained that no cabs would pick him up because they thought he was a crackhead puking and shitting in the street.
After Norm had drained his system, a cab stopped and he told the driver to take him to a hospital. When the cabdriver asked him which hospital, he said he didn't know. Unfortunately, Norm had just moved to New York and didn't know the names of any hospitals, so he told the cabbie to take him to the best possible hospital. Apparently, the cabdriver decided to put his kids through college on Norm's dime and drove him all the way up to Harlem. Norm spent the entire ride telling the cabbie that he wasn't a strung-out druggie, he had just eaten a rotten avocado.
Since most of the trash cans were filled with paper, tossing your butt in the garbage was not an option. Dave Attell and Norm both weren't bothered by the lack of places to put a cigarette. Whenever either would put a cigarette down, they would stand it up on the filter end and leave it on the desk or table. If they didn't touch it again, the cigarette would burn down to the filter and go out by itself.
Nealon's fake pitches were done pro forma, whereas Norm Macdonald's were done to throw everyone off his trail.
Norm would pitch about five fake ideas in great detail, and then at read-through he would have one win¬ner that you never saw coming. When Bob Newhart hosted the show, Norm took about ten minutes to pitch "Literally vs. Figuratively." "I've noticed that people mis¬use the phrase literally when they actually mean figuratively," he began. "A guy will come out of a movie theater and someone will ask him, 'How was the movie?' and he'll respond, 'I literally laughed my head off!'"
Newhart stared at Norm thinking he was finished. We all chuckled, knowing that Norm had no intention of writing his "Figuratively vs. Literally" sketch. But the giggles didn't sate Norm. He wanted to win Newhart over. What happened next was incredible.
Norm kept adding example after example of what he meant trying to force Bob Newhart to crack a smile. Newhart was an idol to all of us in the room, especially to the comics. Norm fought like hell. He wasn't going to be able to sleep that night if Bob Newhart didn't laugh at his fake pitch. He plodded onward: "Sometimes, someone will say I literally cried my eyes out. . . but their eyes are still in their head, you know. Or someone will get some bad news and say, 'I literally died!' But there they are talking to you because they didn't die at all. They meant figuratively, not literally, you see." Newhart began to smile, and Norm tasted blood. Norm kept going and going until I was convinced that if this started as a fake pitch, it was now personal. Norm was going to write it, if only to prove to Newhart how funny it was. And it was funny. The longer he went on and on, the funnier it became. Soon we were all in hysterics. Norm felt satisfied with himself.
That week at read-through, Norm had one sketch on the table that made it onto the show. It was Norm as Charles Kuralt. I was literally blown away.
Norm will be coming to Toronto (April 17 + 18, Yuk Yuk's Downtown, 416-967-6425) and Ottawa (April 16, Centrepoint Theatre). Tickets are still available, I believe.
Algonquin Radio (CKDJ) is giving out free tickets (the Theatre is a block west from campus). Remember to tune in, since the station goes off-air for the summer, starting on April 20th.
Check out Norm on Myspace and Facbeook, and his Facebook Fan Page.
Someone let me know how the shows go. I won't be going since I've got exams all 3 nights...one of the few chances to see an actually funny stand-up gig in Ottawa, ruined...DAMN YOU CARLETON EXAM PROCTORS!
Anyway, back to the book, it was okay. Borrow it from your local paper-house. Or buy it on Amazon.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Back in early September 2007, one of the first places I visited on my bike was the location of the legendary Casa Acores Variety @ 131 Beechwood Avenue:
Another place which recently got a face-lift is Preston Hardware
which is briefly seen in this segment called 'Filthy Pictures' @ around 47 seconds into this clip:
Edit: This just in. Porn king Glenn Humplik just uploaded a picture of Wilde's on his pop-culture site Zoice.com. This is the store in which he had his famous shower pictures sold:
I wonder what my crappy apartment will look like in 10 years (assuming I can afford a better place someday). Only time will tell...